Being a blogger…

The most VAIN and Vulnerable thing I’ve ever done.

It was time. I had decided I was going to become a blogger. I had written over 10 stories to launch my blog. I had poured over the website design, the photos and each paragraph I had composed. And they day came for me to go live. And with a deep breath, I hit “publish” button.

And then fear set in. Who says I’m worthy of forming an opinion that people would actually care about? Why would people read this blog? What if they didn’t? What would they think? WHAT HAD I DONE?

Why being a Blogger is Vain!

While 2015 has cast us into a self-absorbed “selfie” based society, being a blogger means taking that mentality to the next level. I mean really, not only am I going to regularly post about what I’m doing but I’m going to go into depth about where I am, who I’m with, what I’m learning, and what products I’m using. Then to top it all off we’re going to take pictures of the whole thing to share. (I’ll make sure I’m having a good hair day though.)

Not only will I publish my blog on my website but I will make sure my photos go out on Instagram, post something inspirational on Twitter, pin a few favorites to Pinterest, oh, and I will make sure all my friends see the feed on Facebook so they can like it.

Having your value measured by the likes on your Facebook Page… yes, vanity as prescribed in 2015.

But this is scary shit…

No seriously… yes, there’s got to be some level of self-confidence in being a blogger, but the fear of putting yourself out there, your words, your thoughts, your ideas – dreams – inspirations – and failures… well that’s scary stuff.

The reality is that if you’re going to be a successful writer then you have to form an opinion, and be willing to back that up, either with facts, experiences or pure passion and gumption. And while that’s all good with family and friends, being out there for anyone to explore – well, that is a whole other world.

I worry about what people think about me when I post something:

  1. “Why didn’t she do it like this _______”
  2. “What was she thinking”
  3. “Must be nice…”
  4. “She’s not even a good writer”
  5. “Shouldn’t she be using her time more wisely? (clean my house, work more, volunteer more)
  6. “ She looks (old, fat, ugly, tired)
  7. “She’s __________”

I also know that the day is coming soon when the mean online trolls will find my blog and tear it to pieces. Where they will have nothing nice to say but will speak anyway. Where they will be nowhere to be found, other than behind some vague profile photo and a keyboard. I’ve seen this happen to my peers. It’s kind of happened to me. And when you’re out there, well, you’re also willing to be publically criticized. Even by people who hide.

So why bother?

So the big question that I’m always asked is:

“We all know you’re going to go out and do those things anyways, why do you need to write about them?”

The reality is that being a blogger is an extension of who I am and I’ve never felt like I was in the right place more than I do now. This blog has forced me to articulate my goals for raising my children. It’s given me a platform to share those experiences and journal about them – for myself as well as for my kids down the road.

It’s forced me onto the dance floor. “You can’t be a blogger and sit in the corner.” I’ve been called out for my “title” and have been forced to “dance” a lot more.

I’ve had doors open for me that I never thought possible, and it’s only been three months! I see myself dreaming things bigger than I ever imagined (and that’s tough for me as I’m a big dreamer) So if I work hard at making this blog everything it can be, I can’t wait to see what the future will bring.

So why?

Because the dreams should always exceed the fears. True friends will rise up and support you and those that don’t never really mattered anyways. Because being vulnerable is a skill and the more you develop that ability the more you grow. The more I grow, the stronger our family will be, the more we will see and do, the more we will live.

I’ll surround myself with other people who “are passion about living, and live life with intention and purpose.”

We will live life. We will love life. Our next adventure awaits…

_I5A9072 Elli Snow Angel Trekking